Just Thinking

There is no particular message to this blog; I am simply sitting idle at my computor and thinking. Of course, sitting idle and thinking has become a lost art. In the fast paced corporate world of get everything done now, we often don't take the time to just think. What a waste.

I see the picture above my desk that my youngest daughter drew a few years ago. She is very talented and the picture is quite good. However, just looking at it loses so much of it's significance. Taking the time to actually think about it allows me to relive the memory of when she first drew it, how excited both her mother and I were at realizing her talent, and the joy I experienced when she later gave it to me as a Father's Day present. This one picture represents many things that would be lost if I didn't spend the time thinking about it.

Or take the pictures that my other two children put on Facebook. Quickly scrolling through them is fun in it's own way, just to see the types of things they like to do. But taking the time to go through them slowly allows me to actually relive some of the experiences. Smoking cigars at the lake with my son, playing cards with my daughter and son-in-law, seeing the excitement in everyone's eyes when my son pull in his trophy sized bass. More than just remembering these things, I can actually feel them.

Then, of course, there are my own introspective thoughts. How has my life evolved through the years? Am I doing the things I always thought I should be? Where am I in my spiritual life? How good of a husband am I?

I have never been one to have self doubts, at least no more than anyone else, but I have always felt that taking time to reflect on my life has given me new focus and a stronger sense of purpose to what I am doing. I like that. I need that. I am a better person because of that.

Yes, time is important, and wasting time is never good, but never feel that spending valuable time with yourselve is a waste. Who better to spend your time with than you?

Precious Metal

Oh, the struggles of being a parent. We want so much to be good parents for our kids, and we want to do everything within our power to make them into the best people that they can be.

Well, therein lies the problem; what is actually within our power?

Oh, I've been there. I thought that I would be one of those great parents who would make my children into something special. It wasn't for many years that I realized how foolish I was being. And how unfair.

Why foolish? Because there are so many things that determine what a child will become, most notably the child itself, and to think we alone control their future is very presumptuous. Why unfair? Because the sacrifices we make for our children, while admirable, cause us to inadvertently take credit for what they do on their own. Of course the role of a parent is important, but we do not make our children into anything. If we're religious we believe God has the major role in that area. If we're not, than largely it is the children themselves that determine what they will become. So then, what is the role of a parent?

Years ago I worked with a beautiful Persian woman who taught me a lesson she learned from her grandfather. He equated children to precious metals. We, as parents, all want our children to be the best metal. We want them to be gold (it would probably be platinum today). The foolish parent thinks our job is just that; to make our children into the best precious metal possible. However, we are not able to make children, or precious metals for that matter. That is not our job. For whatever reason, fair or unfair, our children are born into this world with certain characteristics, as a specific "metal" of sorts. What the old grandfather taught my friend, who then taught to me, is that our job as a parent is not to make our children into a different kind of metal, it is to take them, as they are, and to polish them so that they shine their brightest.

That resonated very well with me, and oddly took away much of the selfishness I felt (albiet unknowingly) as a parent. Why can't my daughter do something as good as a neighbor girl? Why can't my son ride a bike as soon as the other boys? (For the record, my son was the first one his age to ride a bike. Why? I was a better father, of course.). The point is, I conciously knew that I could not make my children into something they weren't, but subconciously it bothered me that I somehow was not as good as other fathers. Then I finally realize that, while I could make all the difference in the world to my children, I just couldn't make them into what they weren't. In truth, I never wanted them to be any different. It wasn't their success I had been worried about, it was my own. When I was able to release that selfhish baggage, I was free to polish my children (figuratively of course) until they absolutely glowed.

That simple lesson, "A parent's job is not to make your children into a better metal, it is to polish them so that they shine their brightest", had an amazing impact on how I viewed parenthood, and my children for that matter. I think some of the parents involved with youth sports could learn quite a lot from this simple lesson.

Here Today

Here's something for the true philosophical thinkers. A couple people may have already seen this.


Do not be fooled. Today is not the first day of the rest of your life. It cannot be, for in today’s perspective, there is no “rest of your life”. However, yesterday was truly the last day of the first part of your life.
It is now gone.
It is now dead.

There is no future, for the future has no existence.
There is no experience of tomorrow, because at this moment tomorrow has no reality.
When tomorrow comes, when it has experience, when it has reality, it will no longer be tomorrow, but today. It will no longer be your future, but your present.
When tomorrow passes, it becomes your past. It is then gone. It is then dead.
All you are, all you have ever been, is wrapped up into today.
Happiness.
Sorrow.
Joy.
Fear.
Everything.

You are you, here today.
There is no yesterday, for that is dead.
There is no tomorrow, for that has no reality.
There is you, here today.

Whether you like who you are or you do not; whether you are happy or you are not;
There is no one, or no time, to hold accountable.
There is no one, or no time, to blame.
There is you, here today.

Release the baggage. Release yesterday.
Do not wait for tomorrow.
Be you, here today.
Be happy.