I have started my countdown to death. That's right, measuring the time until I die. I know that will seem weird to most, if not all, of you, but hear me out before you make a judgment.
I am about 55.5 years old. I saw on the internet the other day that the average life expectancy for an American male is 69.5. I know, I thought it was older too, and probably some sources of data suggest that it is, but this is what I found at this one particular source. That means, on an average, I have 14 years left to live. Of course I could die tomorrow, or I might live to be 120 years old, but statistically I have 14 years.
Some would think that is a morbid way of thinking. Some might feel it is a very negative way to think, a very pessimistic perspective. WRONG! You are all wrong! This thought process, for me, is a celebration of life. Think about it; rather than taking life for granted or squandering it away with pointless worries, I am very aware of the blessings I have and the knowledge that they won't last forever allows me to truly appreciate every moment.
Here's a scenario that I find interesting. My boss calls me in and assigns me a project. A big project that will require massive overtime and undoubtedly be highly stressful. This project is expected to last about one year. Normally I would say, sure, I'll do it, and start this dreaded task. Now, however, I have a means of measuring the value of my time. Let's see, one year is about 7% of my life. Is that worth it? Naw, I'll take a pass.
This works great with everything. Two weeks is about .3% of my life. Sure, it doesn't sound like much, but it all adds up. My family wants to go on a two week vacation. That's great! Then I find out they want to go to Disney World. That's .3% of my life in Disney World. No thanks.
Decisions start to become quite easy because I am always focused on what is important. I can more easily assess spending time on things of little or no value. This is great! Like I said, it's not morbid at all. It is truly a celebration of life!
Let's see, it took me twenty minutes to write this, that's about . . . .
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
My Kids
Oh my gosh......kids! Who ever thought they could be so much work! I have three kids, all of adult age, and over the years I have realized two things. First, they can completely drain you of all your energy; second, they can totally fullfil every dream you ever had.
How can this be? Well, after all the technological developments in this world, we need to understand that we are first and foremost human beings. I have more "trinkets" than people did hundreds of years ago (or even one year ago for that matter), but the human element, especially when it comes to family, has remained the same from the begining of time. We all are who we are, including our kids.
I have three children, and I view them all as special. However, there was a time I thought otherwise. Let's talk about cars. At one point my second child, a son, drove my car (a 1995 Taurus) into another vehicle, crushing in the right side of the front end of the car. I didn't want to spend the money to fix this since the car continued to run just fine, but then a few weeks later my oldest child, a daughter, had a "minor" accident that crushed in the left side of the front end.
At this point the car resembled an arrow. Was I upset? Of course I was! I was so angry I was trembling, and my kids never liked that side of me. I decided I was never going to repair the damage since they had caused it, and they should be held responsible. That is until one night I had to go out and pick up my son and I took their battered car simply because it was the most easily accessible in the driveway. When I turned into a dark, unlit street I realized the headlights were not working properly. I was a bit confused since I had checked the lights and I knew they were functioning fine. As I drove through overhanging trees I realized the problem; the lights were tilted upward so that they illuminated everything above me, but nothing in front of me. The tree branches were bright, but the road was dark. I knew then that no matter what lesson I was trying to teach my kids I could not let them drive this unsafe vehicle. I fixed the car the next day.
Oh, but remember I have three children. A couple of years later my youngest child, a daughter, pulled out of our driveway and began moving forward. True, she had important things on her mind like what song was on her iPod, and that may explain the tragedy that ensued. She travelled all of sixty feet before she encountered our mail box, which, luckily, was on a brick stand. Well, she side swiped the mail box, and the brick stand won the battle, shattering the side view mirror. The most incredible thing about the whole incident was that she stopped the car, got out, and cursed the mail box as if it had attacked her for no reason. As hard as I try, it's hard not to love that.
Well, in short, the same result occured. I refused to fix the mirror until I drove the car and realized it was unsafe. How could I let my baby girl (as irresponsible as she was) drive an unsafe vehicle?
The bottom line is this: after all of these incidents (and there were many more) my kids have turned out to be wonderful people. I remember as a young parent hoping and praying that they would be okay, that they would get through the teenage years without any serious problems. We all feel the same thing; we don't want our kids to experience the problems so common today; alcohol, drugs, pregnancy, etc. I used to think that if I was a good parent nothing bad would happen to my kids. But anyone who has raised kids knows differently; there is good parenting and there is simply luck. I can control what I do, but I cannot control what they do, and I certainly cannot control luck.
For me, things have worked out wonderfully. All three of my kids have grown into mature young adults. In fact, I consider my kids to be my best friends, which just a few years ago I would have thought was impossible.
So what's the message? Well, I'm not sure that I have a specific message, except for this; you never want to let your kids rule your life, but at the same time you can never totaly rule theirs. What's the balance? Well, that's why parenting is an art and not a science. I know this; I was often concerned about my kids, so my wife and I instilled "rules" to be follwed, but the enfiorcement of the rules was very flexible, depending on who they were with, what they were doing, etc. In the end, my kids have been the most rewarding part of my life. As I see it now, I could happily give up anything that I ever experienced except for my kids; they have given me my reason for living.
Kids today are often spoiled. I do not think that is a good thing. On the other hand, our kids are our kids; first and foremost they need our love, acceptance, and our example of leadership. In many ways they become who we are. The best thing I can do for my kids is to be a good person myself. I look back now at the smashed front end and the broken side view mirror and I realize that while I wish those things had never happened, they were so trivial in the big picture of things. I love my kids. I would trade a fender or a mirror for them any day.
How can this be? Well, after all the technological developments in this world, we need to understand that we are first and foremost human beings. I have more "trinkets" than people did hundreds of years ago (or even one year ago for that matter), but the human element, especially when it comes to family, has remained the same from the begining of time. We all are who we are, including our kids.
I have three children, and I view them all as special. However, there was a time I thought otherwise. Let's talk about cars. At one point my second child, a son, drove my car (a 1995 Taurus) into another vehicle, crushing in the right side of the front end of the car. I didn't want to spend the money to fix this since the car continued to run just fine, but then a few weeks later my oldest child, a daughter, had a "minor" accident that crushed in the left side of the front end.
At this point the car resembled an arrow. Was I upset? Of course I was! I was so angry I was trembling, and my kids never liked that side of me. I decided I was never going to repair the damage since they had caused it, and they should be held responsible. That is until one night I had to go out and pick up my son and I took their battered car simply because it was the most easily accessible in the driveway. When I turned into a dark, unlit street I realized the headlights were not working properly. I was a bit confused since I had checked the lights and I knew they were functioning fine. As I drove through overhanging trees I realized the problem; the lights were tilted upward so that they illuminated everything above me, but nothing in front of me. The tree branches were bright, but the road was dark. I knew then that no matter what lesson I was trying to teach my kids I could not let them drive this unsafe vehicle. I fixed the car the next day.
Oh, but remember I have three children. A couple of years later my youngest child, a daughter, pulled out of our driveway and began moving forward. True, she had important things on her mind like what song was on her iPod, and that may explain the tragedy that ensued. She travelled all of sixty feet before she encountered our mail box, which, luckily, was on a brick stand. Well, she side swiped the mail box, and the brick stand won the battle, shattering the side view mirror. The most incredible thing about the whole incident was that she stopped the car, got out, and cursed the mail box as if it had attacked her for no reason. As hard as I try, it's hard not to love that.
Well, in short, the same result occured. I refused to fix the mirror until I drove the car and realized it was unsafe. How could I let my baby girl (as irresponsible as she was) drive an unsafe vehicle?
The bottom line is this: after all of these incidents (and there were many more) my kids have turned out to be wonderful people. I remember as a young parent hoping and praying that they would be okay, that they would get through the teenage years without any serious problems. We all feel the same thing; we don't want our kids to experience the problems so common today; alcohol, drugs, pregnancy, etc. I used to think that if I was a good parent nothing bad would happen to my kids. But anyone who has raised kids knows differently; there is good parenting and there is simply luck. I can control what I do, but I cannot control what they do, and I certainly cannot control luck.
For me, things have worked out wonderfully. All three of my kids have grown into mature young adults. In fact, I consider my kids to be my best friends, which just a few years ago I would have thought was impossible.
So what's the message? Well, I'm not sure that I have a specific message, except for this; you never want to let your kids rule your life, but at the same time you can never totaly rule theirs. What's the balance? Well, that's why parenting is an art and not a science. I know this; I was often concerned about my kids, so my wife and I instilled "rules" to be follwed, but the enfiorcement of the rules was very flexible, depending on who they were with, what they were doing, etc. In the end, my kids have been the most rewarding part of my life. As I see it now, I could happily give up anything that I ever experienced except for my kids; they have given me my reason for living.
Kids today are often spoiled. I do not think that is a good thing. On the other hand, our kids are our kids; first and foremost they need our love, acceptance, and our example of leadership. In many ways they become who we are. The best thing I can do for my kids is to be a good person myself. I look back now at the smashed front end and the broken side view mirror and I realize that while I wish those things had never happened, they were so trivial in the big picture of things. I love my kids. I would trade a fender or a mirror for them any day.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
The Magic of Christmas
Ahhh, it's that time of year again. Christmas! I have always believed in what many people refer to as the "Magic of Christmas". You know, when people suddenly become more tolerant and more understanding and we genuinely care for the less fortunate. Something happens at this time of year that can warm even the coldest of hearts. It's a beautiful thing.
However, in recent years, now that I have aged a bit (more than a bit, actually), I'm developing a different perspective. To some it may even seem cynical, but I see it as being realistic. Don't get me wrong; I love the fact that many people feel something special around Christmas. What is starting to bug me is, what about the other 364 days of the year? The poor are still poor, the needy are still needy, losing your temper is just as bad in January as it is in December, and on and on.
Many of us like to get involved with helping people during the Christmas season; boy scouts will spend time shoveling driveways for elderly people; many like to put together a special food basket for an unfortunate family; people often give donations to the church or a charity. Again, that's great and I would never suggest stopping any of these refreshing behaviors. But what about the elderly person's driveway in January and February? What about food for unfortunate families in other months?
It makes me wonder if we are really trying to help others or if we are simply wanting to make ourselves feel good. I certainly don't want to down play all the good that happens at Christmas, but why do we stop when December 26 rolls around? And yes, I am including myself in this scenario. Whether you're a christian celebrating the birth of Jesus or an athiest just enjoying the holidays, the recognition that there are people in need should not be limited to a few days in December.
Wouldn't it be nice if the "Christmas Spirit" was a perpetual thing? And why not? After all, there really isn't any "Magic of Christmas", but rather it's a time when many of us simply decide to be better people. Apparently it's just too difficult to be better people all year long, because it is also our own, albiet subconcious decsion not to work so hard at being good when Christmas is over.
Kudos to everyone who goes the extra mile at Christmas to do something special. I truly believe that is a wonderful thing to do. But maybe this year at least a few of us should try to make that special feeling last throughout the year. Now that would be magical!
However, in recent years, now that I have aged a bit (more than a bit, actually), I'm developing a different perspective. To some it may even seem cynical, but I see it as being realistic. Don't get me wrong; I love the fact that many people feel something special around Christmas. What is starting to bug me is, what about the other 364 days of the year? The poor are still poor, the needy are still needy, losing your temper is just as bad in January as it is in December, and on and on.
Many of us like to get involved with helping people during the Christmas season; boy scouts will spend time shoveling driveways for elderly people; many like to put together a special food basket for an unfortunate family; people often give donations to the church or a charity. Again, that's great and I would never suggest stopping any of these refreshing behaviors. But what about the elderly person's driveway in January and February? What about food for unfortunate families in other months?
It makes me wonder if we are really trying to help others or if we are simply wanting to make ourselves feel good. I certainly don't want to down play all the good that happens at Christmas, but why do we stop when December 26 rolls around? And yes, I am including myself in this scenario. Whether you're a christian celebrating the birth of Jesus or an athiest just enjoying the holidays, the recognition that there are people in need should not be limited to a few days in December.
Wouldn't it be nice if the "Christmas Spirit" was a perpetual thing? And why not? After all, there really isn't any "Magic of Christmas", but rather it's a time when many of us simply decide to be better people. Apparently it's just too difficult to be better people all year long, because it is also our own, albiet subconcious decsion not to work so hard at being good when Christmas is over.
Kudos to everyone who goes the extra mile at Christmas to do something special. I truly believe that is a wonderful thing to do. But maybe this year at least a few of us should try to make that special feeling last throughout the year. Now that would be magical!
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