My Kids

Oh my gosh......kids! Who ever thought they could be so much work! I have three kids, all of adult age, and over the years I have realized two things. First, they can completely drain you of all your energy; second, they can totally fullfil every dream you ever had.

How can this be? Well, after all the technological developments in this world, we need to understand that we are first and foremost human beings. I have more "trinkets" than people did hundreds of years ago (or even one year ago for that matter), but the human element, especially when it comes to family, has remained the same from the begining of time. We all are who we are, including our kids.

I have three children, and I view them all as special. However, there was a time I thought otherwise. Let's talk about cars. At one point my second child, a son, drove my car (a 1995 Taurus) into another vehicle, crushing in the right side of the front end of the car. I didn't want to spend the money to fix this since the car continued to run just fine, but then a few weeks later my oldest child, a daughter, had a "minor" accident that crushed in the left side of the front end.

At this point the car resembled an arrow. Was I upset? Of course I was! I was so angry I was trembling, and my kids never liked that side of me. I decided I was never going to repair the damage since they had caused it, and they should be held responsible. That is until one night I had to go out and pick up my son and I took their battered car simply because it was the most easily accessible in the driveway. When I turned into a dark, unlit street I realized the headlights were not working properly. I was a bit confused since I had checked the lights and I knew they were functioning fine. As I drove through overhanging trees I realized the problem; the lights were tilted upward so that they illuminated everything above me, but nothing in front of me. The tree branches were bright, but the road was dark. I knew then that no matter what lesson I was trying to teach my kids I could not let them drive this unsafe vehicle. I fixed the car the next day.

Oh, but remember I have three children. A couple of years later my youngest child, a daughter, pulled out of our driveway and began moving forward. True, she had important things on her mind like what song was on her iPod, and that may explain the tragedy that ensued. She travelled all of sixty feet before she encountered our mail box, which, luckily, was on a brick stand. Well, she side swiped the mail box, and the brick stand won the battle, shattering the side view mirror. The most incredible thing about the whole incident was that she stopped the car, got out, and cursed the mail box as if it had attacked her for no reason. As hard as I try, it's hard not to love that.

Well, in short, the same result occured. I refused to fix the mirror until I drove the car and realized it was unsafe. How could I let my baby girl (as irresponsible as she was) drive an unsafe vehicle?

The bottom line is this: after all of these incidents (and there were many more) my kids have turned out to be wonderful people. I remember as a young parent hoping and praying that they would be okay, that they would get through the teenage years without any serious problems. We all feel the same thing; we don't want our kids to experience the problems so common today; alcohol, drugs, pregnancy, etc. I used to think that if I was a good parent nothing bad would happen to my kids. But anyone who has raised kids knows differently; there is good parenting and there is simply luck. I can control what I do, but I cannot control what they do, and I certainly cannot control luck.

For me, things have worked out wonderfully. All three of my kids have grown into mature young adults. In fact, I consider my kids to be my best friends, which just a few years ago I would have thought was impossible.

So what's the message? Well, I'm not sure that I have a specific message, except for this; you never want to let your kids rule your life, but at the same time you can never totaly rule theirs. What's the balance? Well, that's why parenting is an art and not a science. I know this; I was often concerned about my kids, so my wife and I instilled "rules" to be follwed, but the enfiorcement of the rules was very flexible, depending on who they were with, what they were doing, etc. In the end, my kids have been the most rewarding part of my life. As I see it now, I could happily give up anything that I ever experienced except for my kids; they have given me my reason for living.

Kids today are often spoiled. I do not think that is a good thing. On the other hand, our kids are our kids; first and foremost they need our love, acceptance, and our example of leadership. In many ways they become who we are. The best thing I can do for my kids is to be a good person myself. I look back now at the smashed front end and the broken side view mirror and I realize that while I wish those things had never happened, they were so trivial in the big picture of things. I love my kids. I would trade a fender or a mirror for them any day.