Today

Today I discovered I am going to die. Just like that. I guess I am mortal after all.

It’s funny in a way. The first thing I thought of was all the times as a child, as a teen, and even as an adult that I discussed with friends and family what we would do if we knew we were going to die. Would we take that trip we’ve been planning forever? Would we do something wild and crazy to go out with a bang? Or would we take the time to appreciate the little things? That is what I always said I would do. Hug my children much more often. Tell my wife I love her every day, in fact many times each day. Get up early and watch the sunrise, and sit with my family to relish the moment. That’s what I would do if I knew I was going to die.

But of course that was all moot, because I knew I was not going to die. So instead, I worked the extra hours, worried about money, made sure my house and car were at least as good as all of my friends. I always knew these were not the most important things in life, but I had to deal with reality. I had to provide for my family.

What about looking after the needs of others less fortunate than myself, or going to church more than once or twice a month? What about the underprivileged people I always thought I should help but couldn’t because “I had responsibilities”? If I knew I was going to die, I would have done more for them.

Well, I found out today that I am going to die. What do I do now? It’s no longer a game to play, but now I must face the facts. Now my reality is dealing with my mortality, and all the important things I will never be able to do.

I want to hug my children every day, every hour, every minute. I want to tell my wife I love her with the passion I felt when I was young. I want to grasp onto and cherish the simple things that I always knew were the most important things in life. I don’t want to go out feeling that I wasted my most precious gift.

Today I discovered I am going to die. The good news is that, barring a horrible tragedy, I should last another forty or fifty years, or maybe more. You see, there is nothing wrong with me. I am in perfect health. But today I discovered, or more accurately I realized for the first time, that I am in fact going to die. Whether it’s in forty minutes or forty years doesn’t really matter, the significance is the same. I want to hug my children, tell my wife I love her. I want to help those in need. I want to be the kind of person that I have been putting off my entire life for a more “appropriate time”.

I am going to die, and so is my wife, and so are all my children, and so is everyone that I know. But not today. Thank God, not today.

Today I still have time. Today is still mine, to do all the things I always thought that I should do. Today I still have a choice.

Thank God that today I realized I was going to die, so that when I do, I can leave this world in peace, knowing that I made the most of my special gift. I did hug my children, I did tell my wife I love her, I did help those in need.

When will I actually die? Of course I do not know, and now, finally, I do not care, because today I had a special day with my family, and tomorrow I will again.

Today I have a choice, and now, finally, I know that I will make the right choice.