Achieving Peace

          Have you ever wondered what it would be like to find complete peace of mind?  I'm sure all of us have at one time or another.  But it also seems that no one, at least no one I know, has ever found it.  Sure, we have good days, and many of us are even content with life, but that's not the same as total peace of mind.  I'm talking about true, stress free, anxiety free peace.  Is it possible?  Could that be heaven?  Well, here is my partially imagined, partially real recollections of a meditative journey to find peace.

          I believe, like most people, that we should always try to look on the bright side of things, to see the silver lining in the clouds.  I feel I have been able to do a pretty good job at this, but at the same time I recognize it is only human to want more and better things.  I also realize that life isn’t always fair, but yet I am often troubled when I see how much unfairness there is in the world.  I wonder, sometimes, why God allows bad things to happen, why he allows good people to suffer.  No matter how I try to “look on the bright side”, the unfairness of the world is always right in front of us, almost taunting us.  What would it take to be truly content in life?  Not just accepting of the unfairness and of the bad things that can happen, but truly, blissfully at peace?

            I sit back, close my eyes and begin to meditate.  At first my meditation is little more than concentrating on issues that tend to bother me.  What would the world actually be like if there was no suffering, no pain, no unfairness?  In this mild level of meditation I envision a utopian world that we have seen in movies or read about in fictional stories.  Everything is good, everybody is good.  There is no evil.  Conceptually I get it, but what would the world actually be like?  Surprisingly, even in my meditative state, this world doesn’t seem to make sense.  Even if I had everything I want, what’s to stop me from wanting more?  If I always feel wonderful, why wouldn’t I want to feel even better?  This new world is a nice thought, but it is not blissful, and it does not bring the peace I hope to find.  In fact, it almost perpetuates the concerns I was feeling in the “real world”.

            I fall deeper into my meditative state, and I begin to realize that I cannot ever find true bliss, true peace, as long as I am focused even in a small way on me.  As long as I am searching for something better for myself, bliss and peace will elude me.  My mind drifts to a new level, one where I truly have no concerns for myself.  It is liberating in many ways, and I experience something like a great pressure being lifted from me.  Is this it?  Is this the perfect world?  Could this be heaven?

The answer is no.  Even here I do not feel true peace.  In fact, I become almost more aware of the suffering of others.  Why are there so many poor?  Why do so many people have pain?  Why does evil seem to win out over good so often?  Being unselfish is a very good thing, but it does not bring me any closer to true bliss.

            I allow my meditative state to deepen.  My mind now begins to drift on its own and is open to thoughts and ideas that come from somewhere else.  They are not my thoughts, they are an experience from allowing my mind to remain free.  I suppose one could say I am reaching a true spiritual state.  Now, at this level, material things have little importance.  Without the concern of material things, I am free to focus on what is truly important.  I have a stronger sense of God, not that I can see God, but I clearly feel closer to my creator.  It is a wonderful feeling.  But then, surprisingly, I somehow know this level is not one of true peace.  While practical thoughts have nearly vanished, I find myself concerned about this new spiritual level.  Does God truly love me?  Does he love me as much as he does others?  Does he love the people that were so evil in the “real world”?  If so, why does he love them as much as he loves me?  At this spiritual level, will I encounter loved ones who have passed away?  Will I see my father?

I find myself losing the sense of peace that I thought I was feeling.  Even at this level, I want to experience more of this good feeling, and not knowing how to achieve that becomes a barrier to finding true peace.  And there are still things I don’t know.  In this world, a very spiritual world, should I expect to meet Jesus?  Is Jesus truly the Son of God?  Will I discover who God actually is?  I love this world, but I am still torn.  What is it that will bring me, or anyone, true peace?

            Then suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, I am at peace.  Total, blissful, tranquil peace.  I am at the deepest level of my meditation, and for the first time I understand what peace is.  It is a world of complete and total nothingness.  To be sure, it is not at all a world of emptiness or loneliness.  Far, far, from it.  In fact, it is a world of complete fullness.  But it is very clearly a world of nothingness.

            My mind has expanded beyond normal human thought.  As a human, one can only think in terms of comparisons.  Everything is seen as big or small, soft or hard, good or evil, fair or unfair.  Even in the previous level of my meditative state I questioned why God would love an evil person as much as a good person.  Humans see everything as different, and the good people, the ones who truly care about others, try so hard to make things equal.  This duality has defined not just our world, but even our subconscious thoughts.  ”Strong” has no meaning if there isn’t something “weak” to compare it to.  “Tall” has no meaning if there is not something else that is “short”.  Even “good” has no meaning unless there is something “bad” or “evil” to compare it to.

This new world is not a world of equality, for equality can only exist when there are different things that are judged to be the same.  One could look at two steel blocks that are alike in any possible form of measurement.  Anyone would say that these two blocks are the same, they are “equal”.  But yet they are distinctly two different blocks.  In this world, things are not equal, they are not the same.  There is simply nothing, so there is no judgment whatsoever.  Nothing is “good”, and nothing is “bad”, it just is.  In this world, all is one, and it is this oneness that sets this world apart from all others.  Nothing is different, and nothing is the same, for it is all one.

Most of us have been taught that in heaven, everything is good and happy.  But at this level of meditation, I understand that that cannot be true.  Good and happy can only exist if there is bad and sadness to go along with it.  That is why we humans can never achieve true peace.  Ironically, the very act of searching for peace prevents us from ever achieving it.

This new world I have arrived at in my deep meditative state is not good, or happy, or fair.  But neither is it bad, or sad, or unfair.  It is nothing, true nothing, a nothingness so profound that in experiencing it there is everything the soul needs to find peace.

            This is a perfect world.  It’s wrong to say I have everything I want or need, because there is nothing, including wanting or needing.  We do not need to look on the bright side here, because there are no sides.  In fact, “bright” has no meaning.  Everything is one, and the oneness is complete.  It is complete because, in effect, it is nothing.  And through this nothingness, I have everything.